I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
