We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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