She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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