I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's never too late to be topless.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
