he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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