But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
