my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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