Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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