How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
