there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm both gender and math confused
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
