Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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