I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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