You smell like stripper and shame
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
