well you can't waste a boner
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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