i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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