I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
