just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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