i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
