She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
