Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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