When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
