Got a toothbrush?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize