My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
