Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
