I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
