I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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