So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize