You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
