The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
