his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
