strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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