Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
