There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
