My sheets look like a crime scene.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
