I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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