Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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