No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
