She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
