i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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