Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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