Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
