We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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