The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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