All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
