That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
