if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
