I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
