We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
