I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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