wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
