So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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