I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
