just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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