Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
