Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
