you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize