I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
