Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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