you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
