I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everyone is single if you try hard enough
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
