My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
