according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
