I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
