first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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