Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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