well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
