Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
