I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
