i think my tv is drunk
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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